It's the morning alarms.
It's the hours of whirlwind crazy spent each day, and the mental energy required to do my best for the kids, to work in an educational system that I'm not sure I fully support...or feel fully supported in as someone serving in a teaching role, without a teaching certification.
It's the schedule. The schedule that, especially during the fall, has our
family's days full of places to be and activities to be done from the
the time that morning alarm goes off, until our tired heads hit the
pillow at night. Time spent running and doing, supporting the activities and interests of my family, that leave me feeling spread too thin. Too thin to feel that I'm fully taking care of their most basic needs. Our household. Our relationships with each other. My own health and wellness needs.
"Don't wish these days away," they say. "They go so fast," they say. I do NOT wish them away. They ARE going too fast. I just need more time. Less alarms. More time.
"It's the dues you pay as a mom," my own mom told me as I was sharing my feeling about the ending of summer. "You do what you have to do and you make it through," she told me. Yes, yes I do. Those morning alarms, they remind me each day that it's time to get up and do what I need to do to get through. I will. I do.
Some might call this whiny. Some might roll their eyes and tell me to get a grip. Some might think I'm a lazy bum. That is their opinion from their perspective. This is not about them. This is about me. This has nothing to do with laziness. It has everything to do with trying to protect my own peace of mind and joyful heart.
I'm not okay with today being the last day of summer. The last day of calm before the storm. The last day of coffee in my PJs and lunch out with my girls at a time that may or may not be considered lunch time. The last day of an (almost) empty to do list. The last day where we have plenty of time...that rare and precious commodity.
I'm not okay with today being the last day of summer. That's the raw and honest truth weighing on my heart this morning.
I'm not okay with it, but I will be okay.
That fact I also know to be true.
Goodbye summer. 2014, you've been a good one.