Been missing my mojo.
Have lost my groove.
I'm not sure exactly when this took place exactly. The best I can deduct is that it's happened slowly over the course of the last year. All the ups and downs. All the time spent focusing on just getting through the basics of day to day. Somewhere along the way I started to lose interest in some of those things that make life interesting. Things that help brighten my days. That provide a creative outlet. That help me stay sane and balanced.
I wake up each morning ready to simply cautiously go through the motions that will get me safely to the end of the day. Sometimes I wonder when the next big hammer will drop. Admittedly each time the phone rings I take a moment before I answer, weighing the pros and cons of answering. It could be my Mom just calling for a chat. OR it could be one of the many entities to which we owe money and are currently unable to do anything more about that fact than apologize and promise we'll send some just as soon as we can. The phone has not always been a friendly messenger this past year.
Over the past couple of weeks I've been pondering this funk. About steps that need to be taken to slowly climb back out into the sun. With the coming of winter and it's colder, darker weather and impending holiday season (a topic will be getting it's very own post here soon) I know I must be vigilant about not allowing myself to slip further into darkness.
And so yesterday I started formulating a plan. A plan that involved tackling one of my biggest frustrations...the ever existent clutter in my office...and a return to a creative outlet that has been nonexistent (except each year at Halloween) pretty much since Brea was born...sewing and quilting. It's pretty raw still...the plan that is. But I can already feel a little warmth of the fire I hope it can spark.
The main goal of the plan involves cleaning and reorganizing my office to allow room to move my small sewing desk back up from the basement. This will allow me to sew while Brea is playing away in her room or in the living room like she already does while I spend more time than I care to admit online. (A time commitment that needs to be adjusted!)
In order for this to happen it means cleaning and organizing an area in the basement where some of our filing from the office will be relocated to, as well as getting the book shelves down there in order so that some of the stacks of books that have started to sprout up here and there can be worked into the mix. It also means getting the surplus of little girls clothing, that has been "temporarily" stacked, boxed, and bagged in various places, sorted and either stored (things Lexi has outgrown that I'll save for Brea) or gotten rid of (things Brea has outgrown that some other little girl might as well get some good out of as well). Runs to Goodwill will need to be made. A few boxes of clothing will be put together for donations to shelters and groups who helps get those items to people in need. Trash bags will be filled. Our basement and my office will once again be found.
And once ALL THAT has happened...let the sewing begin! I already have a list of items that need my attention:
- E's quilt needs the final border sewed on, sandwhiched, quilted and binded. Since she turns 2 this month, it's probably about time to get it finished!
- The fabric boxes for the Lexi and Brea's dresser need finished.
- Flannel PJ pants for the girls will be sewn for our traditional Christmas Eve gift.
- More babies are on their way...they're gonna need warm snugglies.
- I have socks waiting to be made into critters.
I've thought about this project several times throughout the past several months. But it has always seemed so overwhelming. I'm taking it as a good sign that it doesn't seem quite as daunting these days. That with a little time here and there, I'll actually be able to see progress. It gives me hope that darkness will not prevail.
I may have started today, but alas my day has been filled with laundry, cleaning up after Brea's middle of the night pukeing incident. Luckily I think it was hyperactive gag reflex from her snotty nose, and not a tummy bug. But it still makes a mess. And I've started slowly getting ride of creepy, crawly fuzzy things in our refrigerator (and doing the extra dishes involved with that process). I'm amazed, yet at the same time sickened, by the number of different types of mold that can grow on things that have been residing in the fridge for too long. And since tomorrow will be spent getting ready for and working at the Women's Health Focus (an annual event at which the studio where I teach has a booth) and Friday I'll be preparing for Laura and I's 2:00 departure to go visit Marie in Wisconsin for the weekend, I'll have to wait until next week to start working on my plan in earnest.
Like I said, not all the detail of the plan have been cooked yet. But at least I've started to gather the main ingredients!