Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sometimes I just need a little time to be alone...

For as long as I can remember, I've always had the need to have some alone time in my life. To have a space specifically for me. Whether it was my bedroom as a kid or a small space I could claim as my own after leaving home, it seems I've always had a place where I could just go and be by myself when needed. In our current house it's our office, the Raisin room, "Mommy's office" as the girls call it. The room from which I blog, email, pay bills, pile my current craft projects, and shelve my most recently read/referenced books. It's generally a huge mess...but the space, even if not originally intended to be when we moved to this house, is mine.

For some people being alone is scary and exhausting. For me it's welcome and refreshing. It's an interesting need to have when you're part of a family, especially one with small kids who could care less what you're doing, they want to be part of it. My alone time allows me to think through things, to process. Many, many a conversation has been played and replayed in my mind before it's actually had. When I'm facing stressful situations, the need for alone time is even greater. My brain has to roll the situation around, play through the different scenarios. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy with all the quiet, internal thought going on. But once some time has passed, I always feel better having thought it all through.

I think my need for some "me" time is one of the reasons I'm so drawn to biking and yoga. Both allow me the time and the space to be with myself and my thoughts. They get me breathing and sweating and help clear away the irrational thoughts and fears that sometimes cloud the bigger picture to my current pondering.

This specific need, a reflection of my introverted personality I'm sure, doesn't exist without sticking points. I think the time I take to be with myself is often seen as cold and withdrawn from those around me. As selfish and self serving. As anti wife, mommy, friend. As anti-social. As uncaring.

I assure those around me though, this is not the case or the intention when I take time for myself. It's what keeps me together and gives me the strength to give to those around me. It recharges my battery and keep the world in perspective. It's just a part of who I am.

Sometimes I just need a little time to be alone.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I DEFINETLY relate to having "me" time!! As Sydney gets older it is getting harder - but it is still VERY needed!!!! Kathleen