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What the HELL?!?!?!

Warning...this is a rant. I totally understand if you stop reading right here...


4 months. 150+ job applications. And for what? NOTHING YET!!! I want to scream out to the universe and ask WHY??? We're good people. My husband is a good man. He's well educated. A responsible person willing to work hard. He's a loving, caring husband and a fabulous dad. We live a good, clean life. We don't smoke. We don't drink in excess. No gambling. No secret dirty sex addictions. We try to be responsible parents and raise our kids in a way which helps them be responsible, caring members of society. We think of others and do our best to provide for those in need. We recycle and are concerned about how our actions affect the environment today, and for generations to come. We believe in a good, loving higher power. So WHY????

Why do we find ourselves in this position? Why am I in constant worry about whether or not we'll be able to make the mortgage payment on our small, but sufficient house. And then why do I have to worry about whether or not we can afford to heat said house.. And I pray every day that we stay healthy and safe being as we're part of that lovely health care statistic...4 of the 7+ million uninsured. Why, after working so many years in "just a job" in order to bring home the necessary paycheck, and now working hard to do what I LOVE and have a passion for, do I find myself wondering if I should scrap it all and get my butt back behind a desk for a bit bigger paycheck and benes. WHY?!?!?!?

While my spiritual beliefs may not be the most "traditional", I believe in a higher power. A encompassing, all encompassing source of light and energy and love and good. And while I don't necessarily believe that things happen as "punishment" for wrong deeds or lessons unlearned, I'm having a really hard time keeping a positive attitude when interview after interview we're faced with rejection and I can't help but wonder just what we're not seeing. What lesson we're trying to be taught.

I'm sad and angry and confused. I just want it to end. I'm not asking for the world. For fame and fortune...just an honest job, with a fair wage that helps us to provide for our family. A chance to return happiness to our lives. A chance to allow us to move forward. That's all.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your love and support. We'd have never made it through the last 4 months, and would never be able to make it through whatever is ahead of us, if it wasn't for the love and support of you all...our friends and family. Thank you.

Rant over. Back to believing the world is a good place...



peace

Comments

Anonymous said…
Oh Jenn. I'm sorry! I know 2008 will bring good things for you guys, hope you can hang in there without going crazy in the mean-time. Let me know how we can help. JenB
Nikki's Blogger said…
maybe you could move to colorado? there are lots of jobs here! ;) I am sorry... I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for you guys... it's so hard! nik
Anonymous said…
You're okay...don't stress; venting is very good but let the stress go when you vent. Somehow life works out and I know it doesn't feel good at all right now but there has to be rainbow around some corner soon. You know Bair and I will do anything we can for you! Meg and Bair
M said…
Girl! Rant all you want...let it out! And they wonder why people move out of Iowa? I'll get all yogi on you and say keep on focusing on the present...something will happen. Whether it's exactly what you expect? Who knows...all I can say is I hope it's something that keeps you guys here in Grinnell! :-) Mon

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peace