Thursday, February 16, 2006

Looking back...

40 weeks, 3 days...and waiting...


September 2001...we're expecting the first addition to our family. Belly pictures finally captured 3 days post due date...little did we know at that time we still had 6 more days to wait before meeting our precious little daughter. Looking back at those early days as a family of 3 now as we are looking to add a 4th has been great fun. Lexi gets such a kick out of seeing her self as a baby and asking all sorts of questions about her life then. It's been a great way to talk about what the baby will be like when she arrives...plus, those are such wonderful memories, it's good to go back now and then and talk about them.

September 27, 2001...our first family portrait. Welcome precious.

peace

Monday, February 13, 2006

Random thoughts...

So yesterday while I was posting my new belly photos below (thinking about the pictures of my enlarged belly from my first pregnancy that I plan to post later this week), I got to thinking...how empowered do I feel having the guts, courage, confidence (whatever you want to call it) to post my naked, stretch mark filled, swollen abdomen on a site where anyone in the world can see it!?!?!?

Ok, so it's not posing nude in playboy. But for for a 30 year old "average" size 16 "farm girl" who grew up in the mid-west before the time of short shorts, super minis, ultra low rise, thong showing, belly baring fashions we see so often today, it's a pretty big step. Maybe it's comfortable because it's not about sexy. It's about the miracle of growing a life. About celebrating the wonders of the female body. About having an attitude and confidence that I can pass on to my girls that says "you are strong and beautiful because of who you are...not because society tells you that you are those things."

I know my mom has pregnancy photos from when she was pregnant with my brother...I remember the dress she was wearing when we took them. I was 5 at the time and thought she was HUGE. But notice I said I remember the dress she was wearing. I can't ever remember seeing her bare, swollen belly. I can't ever remember celebrating her pregnancy the way I have celebrated mine. So what's the difference? Is it just a different time? A different mind set? A difference in my confidence in my body? A difference in the support I get from my loving relationships? Or, as I suspect, some totally random combination of all of those...plus a few influences I haven't even addressed...like the fact the world wide web didn't even exist in 1980...at least not in the fashion which we so freely use it today.

Totally off the subject...have you ever been involved in something where you want to give as much of yourself as you can to make the venture succeed, and you even have hopes that it will blossom into additional opportunities for you to further follow your passions in life, but you feel like you have to proceed with caution and it's hard to know what kind of caution that involves?

The studio where I teach yoga has recently sold to a new owner and is under new management. Awkwardly enough for me, that new management/owner is a former employer. An employer from which my departure was not on the best of terms. That was over 5 years ago. A lot of water has gone under the bridge so to speak and both parties (myself and the new manager) have expressed how we'd like for our relationship this go round to be healthier. With all of this transition, we've been moving into a more formal business. More in line with my past training and experience having graduated with a degree in exercise science in '98 followed by 4 years working full time in various large and small scale, but all very established, fitness operations. I figured it out the other day that I've now been teaching fitness classes in some format for over 7 years. So, while I'm not currently working full time in the fitness industry, I have kept in touch with trends in the field and feel like I have quite a bit of experience that could greatly benefit the business as we try to further establish our place in our local community.

What's awkward, and somewhat frustrating, is that my co-instructors are all new to the field. While some have backgrounds in dance, none have working in the fitness industry until the past year (at most) and have no experience teaching at any other clubs/studios besides our little studio here. While what we offer is great for a community that had no fitness class options before we started our classes, there's so much more that we could offer on so many levels. The quality of our classes could be improved. We could all stand to improve our teaching and motivation techniques...something that's going to be essential for continued growth and success in a business that can easily go down hill because of stagnant programming. However, I find myself reluctant to make suggestions and comments because I really don't want to be the "know it all" who thinks she better than everyone else...especially because I'm 8 months pregnant and teaching the fewest number of classes per week right now!

So it has become a time of second guessing myself, my abilities, and where I really fit into this puzzle. Fitness and wellness is truly my professional passion. And I want more than anything else to figure out a way to make it my full time vocation. But figuring out how to do that in this particular situation is causing me to have a little anxiety...something that I know is negatively affecting my ability to serve my clients to my full ability. Is there an answer? Do I just need to have patience and let everything work itself out? I don't expect for there to be an easy fix, I'm willing to work for what I want, but right now I don't even know where to start working and in what direction to focus my attention.

I guess maybe at the moment, considering my "condition" I should focus on the matter at hand...growing and birthing a beautiful baby in 6 weeks. With faith, my other situation will work out if it is meant to be...patience girl, patience.

peace

Sunday, February 12, 2006

And the countdown continues...


34 week...only 6 weeks (give or take) until we meet our new little family member. Some days that feels like an eternity from now, like time is creeping by at an incredibly slow pace. Other days I'm freaking out about moving from a 3 person family, which we do well, to a 4 person family, which will have a whole new set of challenges, in such a short amount of time.


Over all, we are so excited to get the opportunity share our love with another little creature...one that was created out of our love for each other. Growing a baby really is such an amazing thing!