Skip to main content

Posts

My Most Recent Thoughts

When I Grow Up...

I've often jokingly said I'm still trying to figure out what I want to BE when I grow up. I'm not sure at what age being "grown up" happens, but I question whether I will ever reach it. Truth of the matter is, it's hard for me to think about finding something that I love SO MUCH, that it's all I would want to do for the rest of my professional life. I know those people are out there, I'm just not sure I am one of them.

Today was my first day back at work for the 2018-19 school year. As is normally the case, I was a little sad to say goodbye to the freedom of summer, though it didn't seem to hit me quite as hard as it does some years. This summer has been so different being back in school as a student myself. My schedule this summer has had more structure to it than over the past 8 summers combined, so I didn't have quite as much freedom to mourn the passing of. I also was actually really happy to step back into "my" library today, a…
Recent posts

My heart remembers...

Parenting is interesting. And the learning that comes from parenting is never ending it seems. Some of the joys/frustration/lessons you're well prepared for going into your new gig as mom or dad. Some take you completely by surprise, in both good and bad ways.

Lexi is well settled into her first long term romantic relationship. It's been 18 months since she and Joey "officially" became a couple, and in that time I've grown to love that boy like one of my own. He's a super awesome kid, and they are pretty awesome together.


You don't really know what it's going to be like to watch your child take that step in an independent direction of being in a committed intimate relationship until it happens. I mean first there's the training wheels of awkward middle school "dating". (Which honestly look WAY TO MUCH like kids playing out the relationships they see in the adults in their lives these days. I see way move during all grades bus loading at …

For me, it's as simple as 1, 2, 3...

The world is so loud right now. Screaming with pain and ugliness and anger and uncertainty. A cacophony of so many wanting to be sure they are being heard, with little attention to the at least equally, if not more, important act of listening.

It's easy for me to get overwhelmed when the world is so loud, whether it is be my own personal world or the greater world beyond my little life. Both of which are a little noisy right now. Thankfully I've learned that with age comes some perspective that's helping to quiet a bit of the noise as to not completely lose myself in all the crazy. Perspective and experience that allows me to find a strength and resilience I have not always been able to easily access. That perspective has helped me to try my very hardest to keep focus on my priorities in life to keep me on course.

#1: Doing all I can to make sure those I love are happy, healthy, and safe. I realize I can not assure any of those things by my intentions and actions alone, bu…

It's Okay...

Vulnerability.

It's a concept that has cycled through my mind so much as of late.

Suicide has been a topic of conversation in my little world way too often in the recent past.
2 recent grads from our local high school, lost to suicide.2 local men, both fathers to some of my current students, lost to suicide.And most recently, a cousin of mine, lost to suicide. All males. As is the case with almost all the suicides that have somehow touched my life through the years. As seems to be the case with many of the suicides that some how touch many of our lives through some professional world such as entertainment or athletics.

Suicide is such a puzzling concept for me. I think that you are either a person who understands the possibility of suicide as a choice, or you don't.

I don't.

It's not that I don't have compassion for those who struggle with suicide as a choice. My heart aches for those that see it as their best option. And for those who are left to wonder why after t…

When Things Are Fallng Apart...

You spend your Friday afternoon/evening picking up the winter's worth of dog poop in the yard because it's finally warm enough and dry enough to do so. And doing dishes. And vacuuming. Because giving some order to the cleanliness of your surroundings is about the only thing you feel like you can positively influence at the moment.

And even though you have 2 perfectly capable children who could help with said cleaning tasks, your guilt over not being able to protect them from the pain, anger, and fear that comes from seeing your parents' relationship in crisis (feelings I am far too familiar with having watched the downfall of my own parents' marriage in my teen years) keeps you from asking them to pitch in and help with chores because you'd rather they just partake in the carefree joy and happiness of being 11 and 16.




peace

Breath. Just breath...

It was 2nd grade. His name was Josh. He was the tallest boy in our class, I was the tallest girl in our class, and it was the '80s, so naturally anytime there was a need to be paired up boy-girl in school, we were put together. That fact did not mean that we were friends however. In fact, Josh was pretty mean to me every chance he got. Today, we'd call his behavior bullying. In the '80s, he just acted that way because "he's a boy" or because "he likes you." Whatever, I survived 2nd grade and then we moved and I never had to see him again. In fact, that was one of the benefits of moving frequently as a kid for this awkward, quiet, perpetually "new" girl who was an easy target for bullying. But I'm a little off topic with where I was going with this story...

So this one day, in 2nd grade, in the lunchroom, I was directly behind Josh in the lunch line. Our line was moving along the outside wall of the gym/cafeteria on our way to the servi…

The Joy of Gardens...

It has been a great garden summer. I finally feel like our yard is shaping up to reflect the warm, inviting, but not overly manicured look I am working towards. I love the ease of perennials and hostas paired with the pop of color annuals add to pots and hanging baskets that our Iowa climate promotes. This year we finally got our veggie beds settled into a sunnier location that both I (from a garden design standpoint) and the plants (from a growing standpoint) like better, and in their place we purposed our swing set into a tent for hanging our hammocks.


We were also able to get a rain barrel set up, thanks to having new gutters put on our garage. I'm amazed at how little rain it takes to fill it up. And how quickly I can use most of a barrel thanks to daily watering of our pots and hanging baskets.

Our new trumpet vine, planted to provide some natural shade cover for the top of the hammock tent, has suddenly taken off here at the end of summer and I was so excited to give it some…